justmyopinion

The UKs answer 2 Ricki Lake- with less cheese sprinkled on top. yes you know wot im on about, and its genius! nobody knows exactly wyy watching commen people flinging skeletons out of their closets makes such compelling viewing but it does. they got it all on there! evry episode makes u think afterwards 'ive seen it all now!' but you watch it the next day, and sumthin equally fantasticly shocking happens! lets be honest, theres nothing more fun when your at home, bored, than watching:
>>transexuals claiming that they really are just like evry1 else.<<
>>brothers claimin that they both slept with the same girl- who just happens 2 be their sister.<<
>>16yo girls claimin that her 46yo white boifrend really is the father of her black child that woz born 18months ago- they've been 2gether 4 3months.<<

the rediculous headings make me larf:
>>i want my boyfrend 2 have my baby!<<
>>14 and pregnant- don't do it, step daughter!<<
>>jealous ex, accept it- i'm over u!<<
>>my best friend wants me dead!<<
>>my feuds with my 5yo are tearing our family apart!<<
>>interfeering inlaws- butt out of my 6 way relationship!<<
>>are you really my mum? DNA results<<
>>1 night stands rock my socks- am i a tart?<<
>>is my boifrend is an alcaholic- he drinks 2wice a fortnight!<<
yes, my vacant life would be very dull if it wernt 4 Jezza, god bless 'im- it duznt matter whether its gambling or gang bangs, alcahol or asylum, sisterly luv or stepfatherly slaughter, he's always had it worse. "my brother woz a gambler, & you know wot? he's ok now!" "how ya doin sweet? ya very brave coming on this show" "hey, listen yeah? this old man ere might look daft to you but >insert life story<" "you are 1 of the bravest people we've had on this show (says it 2 5th person that day)" "when i woz unemployd 6months ago, believe me yung man, i would have grabbd evry oppurtunity that came 2 me!" "your both mature enough 2 create this child, then you should b mature enuff 2 SUPPORT IT!!! (cue clapping)"
yes, i do love the jeremy kyle show, catch it on ITV (thats channel 3 2 you people over 30)at 9.30am and, if your an avid fan like myself, you can watch the repeat of this mornings episode and past episodes at 1.30pm on ITV 2 on weekdays. shame on you if you dont, your missin out FAT time!

^^^c wot i mean by the rediculous headings?!?!

"heeeeey! yes, 2day folks, we're talkin about Ricki lake, yeah?" hahahaha awww CHEESE FEST! so american, so cheesy, so funny! Ricki appears 2 be permenantly pregnant, tho the amount of energy she uses back chatting those gobby yanks, im not sure how she has the energy 2 get pregnant, let alone repeatedly! anyway, yeah its fantastic, ALMOST better than jezza, but we never get 2 see th recent ones over here, the 1 2day woz in 2001!!! its fantastic tho, the headings are even more hilarious than TJKS:
>>face it- you're fat!<<
>>im 15, i wanna be a mom and you can't stop me!<<
>>sister, you need 2 get a life!<<
>>benefits brother, ive had enuff!<<
>>boozy bezzy, your killing urself!<<
so blunt its fantastic! all the people on there always announce "aaam big, aaam beautiful, ain aaam SAY-XY, girFRAAAAIIIIIN! ain aaam tellin yoo naow sista, aaa aint changin forah nobardy- take it or leave it, ya no waht aaam sayin!"
aww its brilliant, and the audience crack me up aswel "go REEKEE! GO REEKEE! GO REEKEE! GO REEKEE!" which is met with a "hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!" and the hole thing at the end, where the jolly theme music is played over sweepin camra shots of the audience stood up clapping 2 it, grinning away 2 themselvz depite wot the outcome is, happy ending or not. it could only happen in america.

ummm... would sum1 please mind telling me wot language that IS? theres only 1 word i can ctually make out in that n u guys no wot im on about...! yup, ur rite i can make out muslims answer 2 god- alla.

Sally Jessy Raphael!

ok, the show SUCKS i know, espeshally as its shown directly after the mighty Ricki Lake show, but you gotta hand it 2 Sal. that name, 4 starters, WOOOOT,now THAT is qwality! it sounds like some really bizarre football chant! 3 seperate names, espeshally 'Raphael' i mean how RANDOM can you get! you can imagine her in school, the teacher calls out her name: "Sally! Jessy! Raph-eye-el!" and 3 kids under those names come running over. LUV IT! andg the way she looks like a text book school headmistress, lookin over her specs at her guests- im sure she duz it just 2 intimidate them! in the 'chatshow family tree', jeremy kyle is the ard arse x military dad you wudnt wanna fall out wiv, Ricki lake is the overzealous aunty you say 'how the fuck are we related?' about, Montel is the sympathetic older brother who joind the monastry, trisha is the bitchy elder sister contradicting herself, jerry springer is the grumpy uncle who sits in the corner sayin 'bloody kids' on xmas day! well SJR is the stern old grandmother- coz teenagers didnt get baked when she were a lass! that ginger hey-arnold hair, those awful glasses, the 'granny workin in a morgue' dress sense, the way she glares ova those specs at the poor unsuspectin benefit scrounger, that oh so irritating southern drawl, the headmistress way she deals with the throwbacks from Ricki Lake & Jerry Springer- wots not 2 luv!
as 4 the show itself, the qwality is so piss poor, you end up taking pity on it by watchin it in th hope that some of ur telly taxes will go 2 the company of th eshow so that they can improve the qwality of it. th dull red and grey colour scheme sends you 2 sleep and the theme tune is so bad its non existant- its brilliant, it just says on ITV "and next, its time for sally jessy raphael" and it just goes STRAIGHT 2 the show! brilliant! nobody seems 2 have a microphone and you can pick up every word the audience is saying without having 2 try 2 hard. the most amusing instance when this happend woz when sum guy woz having an internet relationship and they read out some of his erotic eCards and 1 approving male member of the audience said, in a texas twang "yeee-aaaaiiiir!!!!". so bad its good basicly!

"no miss, it wasn't me who did the graffiti on ur jumper, honest!"

The Eurovision Song Contest!

Cheesy? 'Raunchy'? sung in broken english? costumes tackier than a jewlery set from clairs accessories? lipsynched almost as badly as b*witched (lol remember them!)? sounds like a winner 2 me! yes, its cult viewing, it should swap names with eurotrash and its the only thing worth paying taxes 4- its the eurovision, and its so awful but we LUV IT! about 60 countries battle it out 4 the honour of being able 2 host next years annual cheese fest and to be the proud owner of a little glass rectangle with 'eurovision >insert year<' on it. they achieve this feat using a number of tactics such as political voting, strategically placed random props 2 set the mood, lyrics about stopping war and bigging up peace, using a variety of different sized people so far from looking like interntional superstars, they look (and sound) like th office party on a pub crawl. they will also use a fantastic array of costumes designed 2 make you gasp in horror and disbelief in equal doses, try as hard as possible 2 make the meds look like a poor mans Ricky Martin or if they're female, xena th warrior princess inspired chic (bondage and whips optional, folk dancing compulsary). the scandinavians will typically go 4 an almost 'the corrs' like feel music wise and tend 2 be very proffesional but often unorigional- tho you can always rely on the icelanders 2 pull a corker! Finland woz very daring last year, using Lordi a rock band which is kind of Metallica meets lord of the rings and they won, so next yrs should be intresting as the other countrys do tend 2 copy the winner of the previous year. expect lots of Orks, sliveen and hobbits turnin up at helsinki 2007. another big factor is VOTE 4 YOUR NEIGHBOURS!! now that the contest has become so popular its been devided into 2 competitions (YES!! TWO annual cheese fests in the same week!), the first heat and the final competition. greece woz fucked this year becoz cyprus woz booted out in the 1st round so they were, SHOCK, GASP, GUFFAW, forced 2 vote 4 the best song!!!! guarenteed that we will be stuck in the Baltic regions 4 the next half decade. the political voting groups are as follows:
the baltic bastards= Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Belarus, FYR Macedonia, Romania, Albania, Andorra, moldova, serbia montenegro, hungary, boznia hertzagovina, ukraine.

the 'sexy' scandinavians: Iceland, Sweden, Finland, Norway, Russia (often the balteez and teh scandeez will vote 4 eachother if theres no1 else left in their region 2 vote 4) & denmark, which seems 2 b floatin around th baltic area in terms of who it gives douze points 2.

the marvelous meds: france, spain, cyprus, greece, turkey (moves 2 breech the infamous greek/turkish devide are bein made thru cheezovision would you believe it), croatia, Malta.

the nutty nazi's: Germany (boooo), austria, switzerland. (no1 exept the lunaic fringe tends 2 vote 4 these)

the random ones who cant vote politically becoz of where they are situated geographically: israel, ireland, bulgaria

the random ones who wouldnt win in a month of sundays coz they upset every1in sum war or other, but keep comin back 4 more rejection: old blighty

as next year will be eurovisions 54th birthday, i have a proposition (or as its in Finland land next year, i should be sayin "i ev a prrropozeeshon") 2 make. eurovision will be made a national holiday and atleast 10 flags must hang from every house and auld lang syne must be sung in all the languages of the countries competing in succession. a whole day must be givven in order 4 preparation 4 the cheeze fest 2 begin, eg. flags hung up, buffets made up but must include another country in sum way (chicken kiev, norweigian cod, fairy cakes with various flag patterns painted on top. eurovision is the way forward- you know its only right! as last years lunatic fringe representers lithuania said "VOTE VOTE VOTE 4 THA VINNERS!!! vee ar zee veennaz of euroveeshan VOTE!" oh... i forgot 2 tell you the best way to win the eurvovision. i'll let you in on it... BE IRISH!!!

Xena the warrior princess woz thrilled 2 win her latest battle- 2 beat th irish!

Trashy Magazines!

chat, love it, take-a-break, bella, pick me up, womans weekly- duznt matter which, i luv evry single 1 of em! so trashy its classy, jeremy kyle on paper, lets be honest, there's nothing more satifyin than pokin in2 everybodys lives is there? these real life magazines make you say 'he NEVER did that did he?!!!' ':O:O:O:O:O dear LORD!' 'well didnt she see that comin?' its so bad, you end up soundin like 1 of your mums landline convo's!

up the less trashy area you have the celeb magazines which are in order of hierarchy, heat, OK, Hello, star, hot, sunday and just creepin in there, those magz you get with the sunday papers. i don't like these, but heat is genius & i woz an A lister on their qwiz!!! yes, how sad is that, but evry1 should know by now that nicole richie is heats skinniest celeb shouldnt they? its super cynical their captions are even better than my mySpace ones...even that infamous 1 of me, ellie n leanne labeled 'tweedle dee n tweedle dum...n tweedle twat'! oh, the controversy.

those awful teen magazines, oh 4 crying out loud, they ALL SAY THE SAME THING!! "we luv boys!!!!!!" "how 2 get your crush (& make urself out 2 be a right twit in the process- tho most teens dont need help with that)" "readers fess up 2 their embarassing moments!!" "pin up guy of the week- sum greek fella we think might be famous!" "stress/period pain/ depression/ any other imaginary disease you happen 2 be sufferin from busters!!" "how 2 get the look!" its the make up tips that crack me up- "if your eyes are 2 small, rub charcoal on your cheeks" "2 make lips look lucious, spread peanut butter over your chin 2 draw attention 2 it- this will lend itself 2 your lips!" "2 make your skin look healthy, ring groundforce & ask them if they have any spare trowels you could use 2 apply foundation" "hairstyle of the week- sydney olympics/ swimming cap chic is SO the look of 2000and yesteryear" be honest, with tips similar 2 the following, is it any wonder we have the youf of 2day wandering round with bright orange skin, white blonde hair, panda eyes & faces that melt in the sun coz of all the make up they're wearin? this should be on rants really, but i see them as gr8 entertainment so ive put them on raves instead.

i rest my case- look at th contradictin!!! "20 skinniest celebs!(ment in a negative manner)" then RIGHT NEXT DOOR "michelle loses MORE weight! (if u read th article it sings its praises on er!!" eh?? GET IT SORTED!

The Word 'Tornadic'!

"wow, look, there goes that old man in his wheelchair!! we could have got £250 4 this!"

what comedian thought of that word?! its brilliant!!! when i get a racehorse that can actually run, i'm gonna fiddle its name 2 be somthing like 'tornadic devastation' or if its a filly 'tornadette' coz sorry, but that word OMG!!! i luv it!!! bet you a fiver it woz a yank, ohh america, sweet USA! first they gave us NASA, then they gave us the 'hawt dawg', next they gave us McDonalds,now they give us this fantastic word! on the other hand they also gave us george 'dubbayoo boosh', so yes, sum things are still sacred- phew (wipes beads of sweat from brow)!

Yup, its new, & i think its absolutly rib splittin!! but wot is it? well, ask Jamelia! listen 2 her new song 'beware of the dog', you know, the 1 with depeche mode's 'personal jesus' sample? listen 2 the chorus- its sounds like "STOP! you betta shake ya muff!" yes, i KNOW its shake him off, but listen 2 it & it DUZ sound like shake ya muff! can't help but titter evry tyme it comes on. Jamelia, darlin, with your money, SURELY you can afford some elocution lessons make you sound less 'blick' and so on and so forth, we have less pronunciation blunders such as the above.

attention all cyclists, park ur bike here^

German Storm Troupers!

techno, strong, built like a brick shit house and out 2 take the world by storm- no, its NOT the german storm troupers, its CASCADA! anybody else noticed she looks like a cross between Abi Titmuss, a tranny, a storm trouper & a russion shot putter in her video 4 'truly madly deeply'? she even looks like a realy cheap version of Michelle Bass, who's like, the trashiest big brother contestant EVER- she now works on a soft porn channel apparently, says it all realy. LUV the song, savage gardens woz a bit borin, but 4 gods sake they could have found a more, ahem, feminine front man/woman/storm trouper couldnt they? as 4 the hair extensions, well... they look like seaweed hangin off her head, she looks like medusa! oh, wot merryment & merth. as the songs good, ive put it on raves but really, singers these days, 1st jamelia earned her place on here 4 shaking her muff, now cascada, who next? singers, WOCH OUT!!

"this ones for those who keep saying i look like a man!"

An absolute MUST, o my god, if you don't shower first thing in the morning i will hand you a pack on johnsons baby wipes on the spot, you dirty fuckers. wots the point in doing your hair, faffing about with deodrant, trowling your make up on and wot ever else you 'need' to do, when your wandering around with last nights sweat still under ur CLEAN clothes?! its disgusting how ur clothes r cleaner than u- poor clothes, they suffer the trauma of tumbling around in a washing machine and iduldging in a little unprotected grime removing intercourse with Percy Tab only 2 have your sweaty skin all over it again, its criminal! as for pulling the flush after going to the water closet, thats disgusting, it harbours loads of god knows wot on there! so, to minimise the problem, i use my foot! i then change my socks before it becomes contaminated, then i go back and wash my hands. as for social situations, the way u tell if somebody has showered is by looking at the hairs adorning their arms. if its scuffled, they havnt, if it lies flat they have! i avoid th possiblilty of getting day old germs on me by avoiding physical contact, its pretty easy.perhaps the most easy way to have to come into contact with unwashed skin, is on christmas day when you are forced 2 dutefully trail behind your family like 3 wise guys following the star of bethlehem. i hate church anyway but the offering of the sign of peace EWWWW!!! this is a potentially lethal situation 4 a hygene freak. i get round this problem by a) keepin my hands stuffed in my pockets. b)wearing gloves thru out the service (be a bit wierd in brazil, but this is wales not venezuala) or, if all else fails i use the holy water at the back of the church 4 its true perpous. to cleanse thee of any germs picked up by thy unwashed sinners. yes, i have actually run to the holy water, gingerly dabbed my finger at it and breathed a sigh of relief as gods (washed, i hope) forgivness spreads over thy palms. i then go and wash my hands agen when back home just to make sure i am truly cleansed. i can hear you whispering 'shes got that obsessive thingy syndrome or wotever ya call it' right now! maybe i am a little OTT (or OCD lol!!!) but atleast im better than those senseless OCD 'sufferers' (lol its gr8 u get a major adrenaline rush from sumthin as simple as washin ur hands) who r obsessed with washing their hands but don't wash elsewhere! people, wots the point of washing your hands if the rest of you is filthy?!?!?!!

Piczo