justmyopinion

where do i start where DO i start? see now if i was obese id know just where to start- the cakes aisle in sainsburys of course! how can these people LIV with themselves, being fat lumps that waddle around, clogging up bus lanes, perspiring so much to the extent that the sweat from their arse cheeks ALONE could fill a bath tub, and the worst thing? having to shop in EVANS!!! yet magazines such as heat magazine and OK actually applaude these embarassmnts of society! they get labled with 'curvy' 'real women' or 'larger lady' XCUUUUUSE MMMe!! lets get this straight yeah, im a size 4 which i consider 4 sum1 of 5ft1 a perfectly healthy height to weight ratio. yet these magazinnes SLATE us healthy ppl, APPLAUDE these fat heifers which use up millions of billions of pounds worth of money on the NHS 4 bein fuckin fat, and THEN have the cheek 2 say 'any under a size 14 isnt a REAL person' wot the fuck! arrrggghh how very exasperating- anyway use the gags ive selected specifically 2 provoke ppl at your leisure if you feel the same- if you dont, tuff faeces.

gags about obese ppl 2 use at ur leisure

McDonalds has just announced it will b closin all its venues- The NHS has seen a significant rise in the number of yung ppl of both sexes suffering from anorexia nervosa.

a woman aged 26, weighing 22stone has been convicted of th accidental suffocation of her 3 week old child whilst breast feeding him- her rolls fell over the childs face.

Proof has bin found tht obese ppl r damagin th environmnt: reports of a tsunami in asia hav cm thru- corzes r listed as th eurasion plates movin under th earths crust, a volcano erruptin unda th sea or, th most likly, Michelle mcManus doin synchronised swimmin wiv Jonny Vegas

Lip enhancement clinics put out a public request 4 fat doners. doners must b 18 stone or over & in return 4 ther generosity will reciev a free lipo suction- the response woz so overwhelming that the next day, 2 3rds of th population were walking round with trout pouts & size 2 figures

th practice of gastric bypasses has now been banned in th UK- women 20stone & over r now considered 'curvy' so nobody is officially 'fat' enuff anymor.

Legal, Illegal, barry island Seagul, i don't care, they shouldn't fuckin be yer!!! get rid of em i say! they either arrive riding a lorry or sum dull british holiday maker, scrounge off the council and cause people 2 be racist towards them WITHOUT our help- thinkin they got a rite 2 walk round lookin like letter boxes with those rediculous contraptions they like 2 call veils, demandin mosques be built in a CATHOLIC COUNTRY!!!! thats like me walkin in2 somalia, wiv my crucifix hanging out banging on about gettin a church built, and over there you can get shot 4 that kinda thing! its fucking silly! have you been 2 grangetown lately? its like fucking bagdad central in rush hour there! as 4 Fitzalan high school, which i have all the glory 'n' glee of breathin the same air as...well, my activity 2 indulge in at around 3.15pm is 'spot the white'! guess the language is another big hit, but my favouritist ever thing 2 do involvin the littl paki's, japi's & outter mongoli's, is 2 wait until a crowd of them is sat on my front garden wall, then suddenly decide 2 take the dog 4 a walk. dearest moggy will then rush up 2 them, pink tongue wobbling about like a slab of ham, tail wagging, gleeful eyes sparkling. this has the same effect on crowd dispersal as CS gas- they spring nimbly 2 their feet and try 2 avoid gettin anywhere near the mog as tho he has typhoid, sumhow managin 2 look like a very bizarre cross between a horse spookin, billy elliot n sum1 having a convulsion. hello?! your in britain, a distinctly dog luvvin nation!! as 4 terrorist attacks- who can blame them? if i woz living in a country that woz my nativ countrys sworn enemy & there woz still bad feelin waftin around, wouldnt you wanna make a point? espeshally if that country welcomed me with open arms, gave me a free house, free NHS services & let me bleed th council dry & let other people pay 4 me 2 live, then thats just ASKIN 4 IT! be honest, you wouldn't hesitate at throwin a hand grenade at a letterbox person givven the chance would you? im not saying terrorism is right, but if its gonna stop happenin again, britain should buck its ideas up & kick out the mussi's! it takes the biscuit when your next door neighbour who is an indian sikh says "bloody foreighners"!!!

no wonder th british postage system is in such a bad way- the mail keeps gettin chewd.

Gags n statements i find quite funny about immigrants 4 u 2 use @ ur leisure

britain hopes 2 stamp out racism- all items baring th face of our WHITE queen lizzy will now be withdrawn 2 prevent any stress caused 2 ethnic 'minority's as a result all money will now be exchanged through cheque books with blue pages so as not 2 offend any1 hu happens 2 hav skin th same colour as th paper.

there r 3 things exported from foreighn countrys which changed the face of british culture- racism, religious apharteid & borat.

british society has been critisized 4 not catering 4 th majority of its population- catholic parishners will now b givven th chance 2 purchase their very own turban on th door of their local church.

Who ARE they?! who ARE they?! where did you train them?! fuckin bizzy bodies lookin 4 excuses 2 prosecute people just 2 scrounge more money into our crumbling society! my experiences with the R to the S to the PCA are NOT happy 1s! my horse woz BLANTENTLY being treated by the vet 4 lymphanjia when they come up, little white van with a massive entourage of geeks with clipboards claiming i woz going 2 be prosecuted 4 making my horse walk with a BROKEN LEG!!!! well, i fuckin couldnt believe my ears!!! correctomondo, making a horse with lymphanjia walk is a vital part of its treatment!!! who DO they think they are, the CHEEK, the very IDEA of it, the IRONY of the vet being there!! wot RITE do they have 2 go round, BRANDISHING a clipboard, INSPECTIFYING perfectly innocent people 4 crimes they didnt commit! its disgustin that they actualy EMPLOY people 2 do this, we have a shortage of prison officers, plumbers, electricians, jockeys, doctors and other jobs that actually serve sum purpous but NO, they employ ppl 2 go round snitchin on other people 4 omg, wait 4 it, SHOUTING at their poor intrepid creatures. they should be banned, or the people who are wrongly accused should have a rite 2 shoot them pronto... or atleast scribble 'i wish my wife was as dirty as this' in permenant marker on the backs of their little white vans.

not only is she a snitch, she's a kiddy fiddler too!

if u stare in2 my eyes long enough, i might just file ur medical info properly!

Sorry, but THIS takes the fuckin biscuit!! you go in the little white room with floral print curtains with full expectation that you'll be coming out agen- the next floral design you see is the flowers on your grave! rediculous. bed shortages, deprived cancer fighting resources (tho we should be asking- why are cancer rates so high over here in the 1st place?), poor hygene, waiting lists as long as the da vinci code itself, things being filed wrongly... i mean c'mon, docs wots with the latest fad of having doctors from everywhere exept the UK?!! when i dislocated my elbow, i had a bangladeshi doctor and as he was instructin me wot 2 do, i swear i heard th word 'allah'! i luvvd the way my bed was facing mecca aswell. jesus christ, i mean i havn't seen the name smith, jones or davies following the name Dr in ages! as 4 twallettes (toilet you idiot, C'MON keep up, you should be used 2 my word augamentin now!) well, finger print covered flushes, seats that came in a spectacular array of variations of the colour brown, those wikid paper hand towels that fall apart when you touch them, and the lush tracin paper you are forced 2 use rather than your usal Charmin ultra double velvet. i mean, fuck off, show some décorum, where does it all end!!? anyway, i'm sat here, my eyelids feel like leadweights but my brain is working over tyme, must keep goin...must keep goin...must keep go...must... yes! i'm actually knackered but i'm also rather annoyed becoz sarky comments are coming in2 my head faster than i can type them out! fuck, and i still gotta think up a funny caption 4 you lot 2 laugh at 4 the pic of the NHS worker! how very exasperating- gotta fly...2 the land of dreams that is!

WHY o WHY when u type in 'doctor' or 'nurse' on google, it comes up with about 3 useful links which suit th criteria 2 b moand about, then th other 6million pages r all kinky outfits 2 make urself look a right tit in but 4 sum inexplicable reason th wearer thinks its cute? apology 4 th caption- caffine withdrawel has me in its unyeilding grip i'm afraid.

Possibly the most irritating things in the world? all they do is fuckin whine, or in 'sum' cases, wine. "clean your room!" "PARdon?" "you must change your diet, you eat 2 much sugar" "i don't like so n so their a bad influence on you" "your grammar is terrible, you don't spell world W.R.L.D" "(insert request not 2 do sumthin)luv!" "turn that music down!" "eeeuuuurrrggghh those boots, dont tread all that thru the carpet!" and who can overlook THOSE telephone convorsations from a landline with replys of:

">guffaws like a wide mouth frog< NEVER!!!!!(at this point it begins 2 sound like sum1 who isnt very impressed with their partners skills in the bedroom department)...ohhh thats TErrible...ohhh thats AWful...ohhh i KNOW!...yes, but i mean, wot did she xpect?...she DIDNT!!!??...ohhh thats TErrible...ohhh thats AWful...oh i know!...did you see the rain yesterday? woznt it AWful?...its TErrible!"
and so, every subject discussed on the phone is either AWful, or TErrible dependin on wot degree of luvlyness its closest to. AWful if its not that bad, TErrible if its inbetween or, if its really bad "how can they JUSTIFY it?" anyway, parents are like anything, they have their pro's & cons but i do object 2 the "you shud respect your parents- you wouldnt be here if it woznt 4 them!" sorry, but since wen do foetus' set about ASKIN 2 be born?!?!?!

"no son, THIS is how they do it on how2!"

That walky thing off the orange advert!

sorry but, its just asking 2 be kicked innit, be honest! no, its not askin 2 be kicked its FORCING itself on you 2 be kicked. im amazed it hasnt been done 4 commen assault personally. specially in america, coz over there, all you gotta do is say "i gotta black cat, i have!" and you get gunned down 4 racism! anyway, if you saw that walky thing going past you'd kick it wouldn't you, if you saw a little wind up toy, of COURSE you'd want 2 annaihelate it, its human nature! only a mini rant this 1.
I couldn't find a picture of the walky thingy, even on the god that is google, so instead i found a picture of an orange jumping out of a tree coz i'm sure you know wot im on about.

global warming woz having strange effects on th fruit harvest.

yeah, that stupid thing they've launched in take-a-break magazine! now, don't get me wrong i LUV take-a-break, im an avid reader, and its on par with my bible HEAT in my favourite magazines poll, but honestly, they are fighting a losing battle. 'stop yobs with mums army!!!' sorry, but can sum1 give me the definition of YOB? they talk about YOBs as though they are an organisation, like the maffia or sumthing! personally, the word YOB gets right on my wick, coz its a very unimaginitive word & people from broken down areas (which DESERVE 2 be yobbified il add)tend 2 use the term 4 anythin that happens, eg: "bus shelter kicked in- must be a yob (tho in this case, how the fuck do they know it woz kicked in? could have been bricked, ya just don't know!)"
"puppy drownd- must be a yob"
"shock as prices go up in hypa value- this is typical yob behaviour"
d'ya get wot im on about?! arrrrr!!! also, these YOBs, exactly where are they?? the majority of people have never experienced YOBbish behaiviour in their comunitys, so i think they're doin this 'mums army' farse 4 attention! the name mums army duznt exactly send you runnin 4 the hills duz it?
"call the shots! mums army is on its way" you'd piss yourself laughing! wot they gonna do, wag their fingers at us & shake their handbags within inches of our faces? ha! this 'mums army' it reads:
"to join mums army fill in the petition below. we already have 7000 readers who have signed it and wish 4 their name to be forwarded in the petition which will be taken to the prime minister at 10 downing street. mums army need YOU!"
point 1: 7000 readers eh? there's 56MILLION people in th UK, do you SERIUSLY think 7K is gonna make a blind diference!!plus, mums army has been goin 4 about a year now, and they've only got 7000 people actually sad enough 2 do that?
point 2: taken 2 the prime minister? oh yeah, hes OBVIUSLY gonna read a list from some sad unemployed people scrounging off society, when there's things such as global warming going on!
final point: taken 2 downing street? HELLOOOO??? theres guards coording off the whole STREET let alone number 10- stupid bastards.

my final word is this that ive come 2 a realisation of the definition of the term YOB. oh the irony of it. YOBs of the community= Ye Olde Biddys of the community.

Tony Blairs practice 4 when th scroungers came bangin on his door woz goin swimmingly.

The 'mum' Hair Do!

Mums of britain, mums of the world, i beg of you, wot is WITH the bomber harris look? otherwise known 'the mum cut' or 'helmet hair' (do not confuse with 'sydney olympic' hair) would a mum, sporting this look pleez leave a message in either 1 of the abuse boxes or even better, the guest book explaining WHY this fad has reached epidemic levels?nobody seems 2 have this hair cut unless they are a mum- wot the hell is going on? don't you all realize you look like dick dastardly from the wacky races?!?! i can only assume that once you go into labour and are in too much agony 2 resist, the groundforce team are called in with their shears, and give you a haircut at about the same time you break your partners wrist while wailing louder than your baby. there are 2 variations of 'the mum cut' which i will now describe with the help of diagrams.

Type 1: The 'Dyke' look

Type 2: The 'Mushroom' look

Wierd apple shape where the hair devided- looks like there should be a stalk in the middle of where the hair separates.

Wierd 'to have, or not to have' sweeping fringe- usually the home grown reamains of the optional 'rock chick' fringe as seen in type 1.

Receding hairline Bing Crosby would be proud of.

Rounded sides, creating the body of the Helmet shape.

(optional)The choppy 'rock chick' fringe, usually looks as though the hair dresser did it with their teeth and it has a cut off point about 3 quarters of the way up the forhead revealing eyebrows to the max resulting in 'rabbit in the headlights' chic.

Hair ends at about the nape of the neck- often neglected when 'helmetizer' (hair spray) is applied.

Flicked up ends of hair defining mushroom from dyke.

Optional little tufts of hair not worth having that the wearer would like to think are side burns. depends on the eye of the beholder, particularly if the beholder is blind.

This is the common garden mum hair cut. often seen in mums of around 42years of age+, getting this haircut could also be considered one of the first signs of the menopause. as it describes above, this is the classic helmet look. you know its time to get your will sorted out if you start toying with the idea of getting this cut because next stop on from this is the blue rinse.

A longer more feminine version of the dyke cut, the mushroom cut has a bit more to offer- the flicked ends allegedly make you look younger (is it true? look at our model. theres your answer), the sweeping fringe gives you a 50s feel (how nice to be able to relive your adolescent years, eh?), the receding hairline allows you 2 quite litrally 'go back to your roots' and above all, the fashionable side burns provide extra protection against the elements (such as the sound of your snoring other half at bed time). this is more commenly seen in mum of about 35 before they go through the change... wot do you mean you thought they already had?

Ive now reached the conclusion that as your time left on this earth gets shorter, your hair follows en suit. think about it, from the age of 3 you have a bob cut forced on you (in my case it woz 'The Anthea Turner look') complimented with a fringe, then when you're about 8 you start to dream of long tresses so you can match your barbie. but your attempts at growing out the bob cut end in disaster when your bob litrally grows OUT rather than down, so your hair isnt the desired length til your about 12. you then proceed to tie it up, curl it, crimp it, straighten it ANYWAY you waaaant it (sings) untill your around 15, you realise the impracticality of it because you keep getting whiplash every time you sit down on it, so you keep the length but you have layers chopped into it. you then see the light and by the time you are 20, you have a stylish bob cut with easy to manage layers. you keep this, maybe grow it a bit for your wedding day coz you want to look like something out of vanity fair when you walk down the aisle, it then gets chopped again even shorter than before!! around this time you have your kids. your in labour and those pesky groundforce people come in, hack all your hair off, and VOILA, you are now a fully fledged 'mum mop model'. then your hair curls, your kids pass their exams so you go grey overnight, can't be arsed colouring it, and hi dee hi you finish life as a blue rinse babe. see wot i mean!!!

Bastards, absolute BASTARDS, the FILTHY northern/southern/western/eastern BASTARDS (has a catherine tate moment)fuckin hate em, the lowest of the low! yes, i do take the piss to the absolute limit about them, but i have every right to i'll have you know! speshally 60yo horse dealer ones with next of kin already banged in the old bill for kiddy fiddling. i mean, that kid has to grow up living with wotever the bastard done 2 em, often deciding its all their fault & it can fuck you up for life that kinda thing. its not just the actual event its the court rubbish and stuff that follows but the biggest thing is actually admitting that yes, it happened to you, i mean how degrading?! then theyll get some patronizing counciler to 'talk things thru' i mean wot the hell, you KNOW wot happened and would rather not have your nose rubbed in it and just see the fucker burnt at the stake with 'wanker' written across their forheads in petrol- now THAT would be a bonfire party worth going to. it costs nothing, but its worth a fortune as my old headmaster used 2 say... no, not about the wankers thingy, about manners.

"Take THAT! and THAT! wanker! bastard! tosser! bint! cunt! BASH one out!"
No strategically placed darts were used in making this picture... no it duznt look like a cock stickin out of his head n another one stickin out of his mouth! can u BELIEVE i took holy communion when i were a lass off this creature? GET HIM!!!!

The do i twist, do i fold? bit in rogue traders 'voodoo child'!

yes, i do luv izzy in neighbours, shes almost as vindictive as me and i approve of such behaviour. how ever, the muskiteers latest song on the whole to bum, is currently 'voodoo child' by rogue traders, the band she fronts in RL. Natalie Bassingthwaite sounds more stoned than a public execution in jerusalem which is fine, but the song is IRRITATING!!! 4 ellie in particular, who is a fellow techno fanatic, it is an earbashing and a half, it makes ur ears bleed- "savage 2 my ears" i qote her as saying! but the bit that REALLY got our goats, taps notably, was the 'do i twist do i fold' bit- 4 some reason, i find myself vizualizing a rather delightful deckchair dancing along with phsycadelic flashing background! must be tyme 2 start thinking about abolishing the use of magic mushrooms i think...

The Rogue Traders were fed up of being upstaged by the rather overenthusiastic fan.

OMG!!! i'm launching an appeal and i call it the 'slay Ray' appeal! fuck saving the starving kids in Etheopia, lets see us start saving our tolerance output by killing Ray via decapitation- bring back the guileteen i say! it worked in ye olden days, so why won't they show executions live on mainstream telly, it woz a family day out in the dark ages! i HATE Raymond Quinn, that lip curl, the whole jovial hand flinging up, the totally OTT facial expressions- thats not singing thats acting! get back to brooky or back to school, i'm sure they'll give you a certificate in assembly. he's a typical precocious little stage school kid, he thinks he's the best thing since they stopped showing Home & Away and oozes more slime than a bird caught in an oil slick- or should that be his hair. i can't stand him, he should die, preferably slowly and painfully.

as 4 Leona, well that woz fixed, not only was she putting in some extra little 'performances' in for simon cowell (who lets be honest, is runnin the joint) pursuading him not 2 wear his trousers quite so high (or atall in this case) and already has an album out called 'twilight'- she'll soon fade into the twilight actualy, the winner far from taking it all, usualy spirals into oblivion faster than you can say "steve brookstein" (who?) so i shouldn't be moaning really.

The unconventionals, o my god! did you, tax payers of Britain (Lester Piggot, u can skip this one) ACTUALLY pay 4 your TV lisence? WELL WHY THE FUCKIN HELL DID U VOTE OFF THE UNCONVENTIONALS?!?! sure, they looked like the office party on kareoke night, but they were FUNNY! know that word? funny? F.U.N.N.Y? i quote the oxford dictionary. it defines 'funny' as: Funny, adj & N. Amusing, comical. if you are an intellectual child prodigy like me, you will find yourself saying "good lord, wot a large proportion of funniosity this site contains!" yes, funniosity is a word, look it up! anyway, yes, the unconventionals contained funniosity in amounts as vast as the vacant space between George W Bush's ears and you voted them off!!! wots the point of paying 4 a TV lisence if your not gonna use it wisely?! they were the only thing bar eurovision worth paying to watch!!!

Wheelchair woman, Kerry Mcgregor, so she didn't get as far as she did through sympathy? aye aye cap'n! wot on earth were they playin at trippin off the old 'its nice to see somebody with a disability getting through' wot is it with that line this year? pete off big brother AND kerry- its reality TV, not an equal oppurtunitys campaign! she's there to SING not sit there looking all inspiring, thats wot britains annual begging days are for! oh and did i mention the fact that she came 2nd in 'song for europe' in 1980 sumthin? another 1 who's had her slice of the cake!

Kate Thornton, i HATE the woman, her eyebrows look like bent coffee stirrer thingys and if they were any closer together we'd be able to see a perfect replica of the severn bridge. the way she hurrys people off the stage and stuff and cuts people off, its so rude and SO unproffeshional! i think theyv killed fix factor this year, but they'll do another one just to milk money out of its death- a common practice in the media actually, making money out of well anticipated deaths, alias george best.

Above: a bird stuck in an oil slick due to effects of global warming- oh no, its just a bird standing precariously close to rays head!

Nobody told me that in the next episode of 'princess nikki' she would be required to do the ugly task of singing with the unconventionals!

Contradiction in the media when complaining about: Ageism!

One lads mag is quotd as saying 'sex on legs'- or should that be wheels?

let me get this straight. theyv banned all cards containing 'ageist' comments and we have to refer 2 old biddys as 'aged citizens' yea? am i right so far? well if being ageist is such a huge issue, why is the government focusing so much on the older sector of this society? did they even think that people under the age of 18 find it very offensive and derogatry 2 be referred to in the media as 'youngsters'? its very rude and degradin to refer to someone as a 'bitch on a pension' but its perfectly ok 2 brand us all as 'yobs' 'youngsters' 'gangsters' 'youths' is it? i beg to differ. you dont like it when we refer 2 you 'oldsters'(dont like it do u, i rest my case!) as 'old biddys' 'oldsters' 'old grannys' or the ultimate offense, 'pensioners' so please refrain from using these rediculous terms when refering to the younger generation. have you ever thought of using the word 'teenager: plural;- teenagers'? disgusting.

British Winters!

Norbert McTweed- still a hit with the birds

Every bloody year! 'Britain gripped in polar freeze' 'Arctic conditions set to bring UK to standstill' 'pensioners freeze as winter takes its grip' 'schools close due to snow storms' 'roads deemed DEATH TRAPS as grit machines in short supply' for fucks sake!! 2 inches of snow, if that, OMG britain grinds (or shud that be grits?) to a halt! we have it every fuckin year, surely we should be used to, or, heaven forbid PREPARED 4 it by now?jesus christ, n every1 says the same things every bleedin year aswell, thats wot gets me, the whole 'its a wet/windy/cold/warm/late/early/dark 1 this yer, isnt it' fad! hello?!?! u live in britain, it DOES rain, it DOES snow, it DOES go dark early, havnt u grasped that yet- wel obviously you havnt cz its too icy 2 grasp anything but you know wot im sayin- its NOT ROCKET SCIENCE!! if u cant cope with it, then fuckin play those pakis at their own game & invade THEIR country and start sunnin urself on the beach in th widdle of minter with ur crucifix hanging out. go my comrades, DO wot u must! its only right! but back on the subject, yeah, stop moanin about the weather. its notfair 2 me coz it means i have to right yet ANOTHER lengthy essay about a rather empty subject n its hard when u edit ur site at around 2am-5am. brainpower is it short supply at the best of times but at that tyme in the morning its enuff to send u into a state of positivly narcoleptic levels, so please,don't complain- refrain!!! its driving me insane, im gonna do a kurt kobain, maybe smoke a chain! so jump on a plane headed 2 spain where it doesnt rain so u won't complain & itl ease my pain! sorry, that, i just couldnt contain.

The gritters are gonna have a job on their hands.

Annual beggings days!

Feed the world? LOL the only thing begging days feed is my hatred 4 helpin out other countrys! we'v got people here living on sweet eff aiye, paedofiles are walking the streets, religious apartheid is once again an issue, theres some nutter runnin around suffolk playing a disterbing version of 'guess who?',IKEA is fast putting DFS out f buisness, hobbycraft has actually made it onto the telly, gays r entitled to adoption rites but single parents arn't incase the kid grows up with a complex (& having 2 dads bumfuckin in the corner WOULDNT make u grow up wiv a complex?), people like me r going round offending people and getting patted on the back 4 it, the LIST GOES ON! and yet our money is being poured into aid workers (or 'aids at work' haha!), sex education (it don't take a genius to work out wot a condom is 4. no its not a cheap alternative to baloons at a planned-last-minit-party.), feeding people (when the smart price aisle in asdas always looks as though a swarm of locusts has been thru it yet nobody actually admits to buying anything from it), new housing (but if this fails, they ship em over here so the little negroes can have our houses instead- FAB IDEA!!) and various other stuff, its rediculous! as for the begging days of the children in need variety, thats just as rediclous. i applaude them funding money to help terminally ill kids that COULD be saved n stuff, thats cool big it up like, but as 4 the funding of contraptions to use 4 riding 4 the disabled. i thinks its cruel personally, yeah it helps the kids n stuff but i'm sure the horses REALLY luv having a pelham bit (there 2 give th 'rider' xtra control) flapped about in their mouth, havin sacks of spuds with added dumbells bouncin around on their backs & bein made to go round n round in circles doing this day in day out getting sweet eff aiye in return. atleast at normal ridin schools u occasionally get people who r physically able to mae this narcolepsy inducing existence a bit more bearable! as 4 raising money to help kids who r being bullyed- wtf is THAT all about, explique? wot exactly does this money achieve- wot do they do, pay the bullys to stop bullying, or buy the bullied a pair of boxing gloves & a riot police sheild? i think not comrade. get it sorted- pronto.

6ft yellow bears with 1 eye & 3fingers walking uprightmust be a regular occorance in oxford street- look, none of those people in the backround are batting an eyelid! i wonder why. of course- they probably don't want 2 end likepudsey!

Sudden weight gain!

Wot the hell is all that about?!?! i always prided myself on one of those people who can eat half a tonne of shit n not put on a pound (though eattin shit MAY cause salmonella) but 4 some odd reason, my weights gone through the roof n clouds!!! at heaviest im 7st13, but im now 8st4 after much piggin out on chocolate & good food eksetterar eksetterar, fuckin xmas n new year it BOLLUXES u!! the annoyin thing is its all gone on my stomach n my face so i resemble a guinea pig that got into the larder (or rather its ME whos larder- haha!)! much needed exercise 2 resume next week, avec a crash diet along wiv a tummy tuck and lypo suction n perhaps sum of the fat from my face injected into my tits- THAT could work! an option im liking at the moment is the 'low quantity, hi calorie' option, so basicly i only eat chocolate but xtract evry last calorie frm it 2 keep my energy levels up- sorted! another road to take would be the OCD route- anorexia or bulimia? weighing up the pro's n cons bulimia would be th easy 1 2 stick coz i can stuff myself without it actually going anywhere- just a case of spit not swallow! am i the only one havent 2 have said that knelt infront of their boyfriend with his boxers sumwhere over next doors garden? sorry that woz a bit crude lol but yeh, im thinkin along the lines of gettin back that size 0 figure (im a size 6 at the moment, NOT impressed)n sheddin the yuletide splurge. WILL keep u posted on how that goes. will probably last a grand total of half an hour as this weekend, i know i am destined for a pig out of vimto's and freddo's alike stolen courtsy of the downside office!

loz woz heartbroken when evans closed down.

Babies coughing!

eeeuuurrrggghhh!! the noise: "eeellgghhh ellgghhh ellggghhh!!" it makes me grit my teeth & twitch my toes, its just nasty!!! all flobby & eeeuuurrggghhh, & the way their mums let them cough all over their faces, then go 'ssshhhh ssshhh sssshhhhh' it sounds, like a fuckin BOAT with water stuck in the engine! its soooo unhygenic! babies are disgusting anyway, as you can't tell whether or not they've had a shower that morning coz the hairs on their arms arn't there yet so you cant see which way its lying- thats how you tell, you no. if the hairs are all scuffled it means they havnt, if they lie flat, it means they have. so thats useless fact of the day over and dun with. anyway, babies, yes! or nooo!! i mean, they cough, scream, shit, vomit in your mouth/ear/eye/other hole god intended you 2 have in your head, and they STARE at you in shoppin centres!! its like "do you fink your paris hilton??" or sumthin! who'd have em on purpous?!!! i DON'T SEE THE POINT!!! they don't help society, they don't appreciate the good fings in life such as sleep, they don't earn no money- send em up the chimneys again, i say! that'll teach em! HARK- i hear you say it: "you were one once!" yeah, & look wot happened!- that sweet, blonde haired, blue eyed, bundle of 'joy' turned in2 a sarky, mousey haired, sharp eyed, bundle of caustic witt, with no consideration 4 the opinion of other parties, with a thing about straight lines! there could be MORE like me out there- theres already Edwina Curry, Janet Street Porter & my nan, THEY were all little bundles of, ahem, joy, once aswell! stop breeding the human bean & bring back the stigalopithicus and start agen, so we can see wot went wrong!

Piczo