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Ok, I got it

this is basically a collection of statements off various people who have made me laugh over the years- some of em arnt even funny but u should laugh anyway

"it went deep tea diving"
Loz's description of how her fone came to pass on to the spirit world- temporarily

"GIRLS!!! this is a PROFFESSIONAL riding establishment!!!"
dwnside, proffeshonul ridin establishment? sorry, wrong number.

"(puts chair on table) This chair could get a U grade. There r 120 of u in this year group. 114 of u failed maths with a U grade. 114 of u r chairs. you are ALL chairs."
the mr peachy guide on how 2 give u confidence with ur gcse's

"girls, this yard looks a PIT!"
"ok, i'll just sweep the pit in a second"
shudnt u have a razor 2 do that kind of thing ellie?

"Smartie, and, TODD! what do you think of that then? hm?"
ravishing darling. pony club parent of the year!

"sit back, sit back, sit back, AND legs, legs, legs and CANTER!"
Jackie- founder of the pony club flap

"you wanna play graaaand, u go to a play graaaand!!"
but kris, who needs a playgraaaand wen u got downside?

"I'M frum twikiNUM!"
remind me NEVER 2 go 2 twickinum if their ALL like kris

"i saw gordan yesterday- only his forehead though!"
"He must drive a very low car"
another normal lysette/denise discussion

"They look like fuckin... german tank commanders!!!"
well, i spose thats 1 way of describing the leadrope kids, loz!

"Claire, they were flowers."
Steve telling Claire that WASN'T an invasion of mushrooms in the fields

"i HATE alex, i DESTEST her, i can't STAND the girl! she can't fuckin ride, n i just wanna attack her with straightners!!!"
said Lysette as alex eats her lunch behind her

"leannes probably crying in a corner, burning all her THIRD PLACE yello rossettys!"
said Lysette, just as leanne walked out of the school

"girls, put that wheelbarrow away, theres an unbroken pony on the yard!"
it shouldnt be on the yard anyway, kris!

"(looks at tap) you look bald. (walks away)"
top marks 4 suttlty there, loz.

"make sure you sweep outside Georges stable- he's unbroken"
krista, on george, yet again

"girls! don't tie george up there! he's an unbroken pony!"
o kris, this really is wearing a bit thin now

"i don't even like bananas, but il do this 4 leanne- il eat this banana 4 leanne!! tap u can b a witness!"
im sure democracy n parliment will salute u on this 1, nai

"it's good that i didnt swallow that skittle init, coz then atleast u wil hav sumthin 2 remenber me by!"
yes nai.

"i am handling...the unbroken pony!"
ellie on george- the unbroken pony, wud ya believe it

"i am NOT pissed! (holds my hairbrush out of reach) no, ur not havin him- i WILL release Sonic in2 th wild!"
Tap- not pissed obviously

"(skips on 2 the yard wiv a massiv grin) hiyaaa!!!i think i'm depressed! i avn't washed my hair in 3 days! "
claires self diagnosis of depression was PRETTY accurate

"i can handle my drink, i can"
nai then collapses in a heap on the floor

"its geoffs dad!"
sophie vowls claims that my grandad has risen from the grave 2 pick me up

"ooohh so u mean magic mushrooms r BAD 4 u then?"
oh michelle- we live in hope, love

"going bald, at the age, of 11"
i cudda told u that tap!...No, wait, i already did!!

"GURLZ, th doors R OPEN!" (i woz half expectin a little "so, c'mon DOWNNNNN!")
its not early closing tym 4 krista

"i still havn't found my ridin hats (looks suspiciously @ courtney)"
"well don't look at me, i never put em in the bin!"
Courtney, give up while ur ahead, yeah?

"miss sixty? more like miss sexy!"
i responded with "1 word m8- specsavers!"

"oooh!! its just like brokeback mountain isnt it!"
Loz, now HOW in wot shape or form duz th Alps resembl brokeback mountain- its not like its mainly 2 gay guys on horseback!

"god i love u n ur bitchy comments- they give me more joy than seeing a small child cry!"
cael,im sure there r nicer reasons 2 love me...or actually, don't answer that!

"Of course daughters moan, wot do u expect? their just trainee wives!"
LOL!!! my dad just sed sumthin funny!!

"its just a pub with dimmed lights"
not impressed with th 'haunted inn' on dartmoor then, r u el?

"is it a boy, or is it a girl? (lifts hat)"
give my nan sum credit, no1 else wud hav th nerve 2 say that 2 ellie!

Aunty christine: "mum...i'm...i'm goin out wiv a black man."
Nan: "i suppose ul b listnin 2 reggae music now then?"
another gem from my 'sweet' ole nan

Georgia: "im goin 2 high school soon, nanny!"
Nan: "oh, and that makes u the infant phenomena then, duz it?"
n u thort I woz bad with kids!

"don't b so rediculous, he's house trained!"
so ur sayin it was ME who shit on the scissors, mum?!

"itsa WHITE ONE!!!! (referring 2 jade, th farm dog)"
Rele? she's th only white 1 in this country at th moment then.

"get in the car! put the dog in the boot."
mine & ellie's night on the pull didnt exacly go 2 plan

"i came, i swore, i laughed, i conquored. that is all i have 2 say."
my summing up of how i felt when asked about how i felt after leaving downside

"a guuuuuurl"
its like dogs init, they c anuvva dog n ther like 'ruff ruff ruff!!! omg!! anuvva dog!!" wel th 3 musketeers reacted th same way 2wards r own species!

"traaaa c u 2moro babe! (charlotte walks off) omg, lyz, did u C the way she woz lookin at me, i fuckin h8s her!"
Claire- not bitchin as usual

"i HATE it wen ppl talk behind my back! id rather they just sed it 2 my FACE! but then, thats not really true coz i can't take it wen they say it 2 my face then!... so yea, i spose i don't mind ppl talkin about me behind my back."
claire passes judgement on bitchin- not that SHE ever bitches...!

"scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
nnnnnnnng!"
'they love me! they rele love me!' thinks scotty
"now get him in the bully circle!!!"
scotty... his dreams were shattered, and so was he.

"and then i ran into the pub, jumped on his back n shouted fuckin paedophile!!!!!!"
ummm... don't get on the wrong side of Denise!

"BICYCLE!!!!"
Ellie stil livz in th stone age- they aint discovered tht u can ride a horse there, let alone a bicycle

"oooh, i wouldn't wanna go there, mount Fuji, they hav tidal waves there u no!"
Jade goody, watch out! ere comes Michelle- geographical genius

"EMMYYYY!"
oh th excitement of seein a small dog tht resembles a pancreas

"it smells of BUMZ!"
another little something (it woz ice cream)ellie found in laurens magical cupboard that also doubles as a tardis judgin by th fings u find in there

"eerrrr...HEALTH!!!"
recoil!!! just sumthin ellie found in laurens cupboard

"hav u ever danced round the house naked? u shud try it! it gives u SUCH freedom, i do it 2 queen n nirvana n all tha!"
Hannah sed this keepin a perfectly str8 face- im assumin she wznt jokin bout th liking nirvana bit?

"look. i'm out of th country in 5days. i have a VISA. i cud go 2 france, maybe spain, maybe timbuktu I DON'T CARE! with all this bitchin goin on u cud give me a souvenir, or atleast lemme go out wiv a bang!"
same argument. same point. same muted reception.

"i'm not sure wot term she used, as i havnt got th oxford dictionary on me at th moment, but i'm sure it woz along th lines of 'bitch'. hey, i'll get back 2 u on that 1!"
dnt bother arguing with me- u only get sum sarky 1 liner as a reply. ask claire!

"i h8 shoppin, i h8 spendin money, chocolate is my ideal present n i like washin up- but ud find jesus shoppin on cowbridge road faster than ud find me easy!"
The lads flocked 2 Loz's house- untill she got 2 the bit about Jesus bein in the area.

(falls off)"aaarrggghhhh!!! jesus christ!!"
"he aint gonna help u"
lysettes gonna b a paramedic when SHE grows up!

councilor:"so how do u feel about th BRS?"
lysette: "honestly? well judging by the amount of rice ur feedin us, i think i could probably compare it 2 a japenese concentration camp."
loz duznthave any hangups as far as expressin her feelings within go!

keelee: "i can't w8 2 ride delphylia!"
lysette: "sumthing else 4 u 2 get ur leg ova izit?"
ooooooo!!! round 2 ding ding!

keelee: "i can't believ rascal got cast...this is all my fault..."
lysette: "well ya wernt right that tyme were u?"
keep diggin loz, keep diggin...

"i hate them all, their all toffs n i got a few words i love 2 say2 them!"
"wot wud u say 2 them?"
"fuck the hell off!!"
i had a luvvin relationship wiv my classm8s at BRS

"now thats wot u call bible bashing!"
i took th video of th teacher gettin hit wiv a bible on youTube very seriously.

keelee: "and i woz eattin my crisps n then they got stuck in my osophagus!"
dannii: "wtf did u say osophagus 4, its ur throat!"
not th only thing thats got stuck down ur throat i shud fink either keelee.

"wot woz th happiest day of ur life? i can remember th day i discovered wanking, it woz a very happy moment 4 me"
this is our drugs lecturer by the way.

Mr raynaulds: "size does matter boys n girls"
miss verburg: "4 inches"
talkin about bridges in the reins, u dirty minded individual!

"susangus aint a good horse- he throws more plates than a greek chef!"
a prime example of how good BRS horses r.

keelee:"where can i find lorri?"
karen:"go 2 th main road"
and th play in the traffic.

"i can't understand a word lorri sez coz hez scottish, i dont c y tho, i mean we can understand wot lysette sez n she's from cardiff aswell!"
elly, cardiffs in wales luv.

"have u got a boyfriend? u should, newmarket would b clear of womanizers as of next week!"
just feel sorry 4 th horse i was on!

"AAAHHHH!!!!"
"wot?"
"I just dropped a VILLAGE on my FOOT!!"
false alarm 4 Loz n Elle

"Fair trade! eurgh, that means it been touched by black people!"
Ellie does her bit 4 world peace.

Ellies nan: "so wot woz th food like, then loz?"
Loz: "onestly? 1 word. rice. like a japenese concentration camp."
Ellies nan: "well its body building isnt it lysette?"
Loz: well in that case, i shud look like a russian shot putter!"
Loz is feelin better obviously.

Loz: (sings) i'm nuthin special, in fact...im a bit of a bore! if i tell a joke, uv probably heard it before! but i-
rebecca cuts her up: hav a talent, a wundaful thing, COZ EVRY1 LISTENS-
both: WEN I START 2 siiiiiiiing!!!
Loz: awww its like fame init!
rebeccas as sad as me!!

Ellies mum: (sings her heart out) "a whole neeew woooorld!!"
Dilo: "a wot?"
(evry1 larfs)
Ellies nan: "its off th lion king, mum"
Ellies family r SO with it.

"right, after this, im gonna go n get sum biffidus digestivum"
Loz is gonna hav sum yogurt soon!

(sound of wine bein poured)
"ooo i luv that noise! (chin)aaaahhhh!!!!!!"
aww pmsl, all together now girls!

on th way 2 a hi scool, lysette, cranny, cael n marius end up lookin at a primary school.
"cranny, i fink we're goin th wrong way?"
"yeah, u can get arrested 4 this kind of fing!"
oooo lysette aint arf on form l8ly!

"u look about FIFTY!>walks away<"
hey, woz that a bit of dejá vu there?

"ur a very SELFISH little girl!"
"(sings)oohhh happy daaaayz!"(waltzes out of th door)
mumz attempt 2 make me think about wot i'd dun didnt xacly hav th planned effect on me.

"but do you think your Paris Hilton tho? are u Paris Hilton? no, no, no, look at my face- ARE YOU PARIS HILTON?"
Loz has a catherine tate moment.

"when a kettle starts levitating!"
and thats how would you know that drugs were starting to damage your body, isnt it loz?

"omg, ana u BATHIN COSTUME!!!"
oooo Ana must b deeply offended, lauren.

Cael: "wot part of central station r u in?"
Loz: "yea yea ok c u then tra (hangs up)"
okaaay, now thats wot u cal an abrupt fonecall!

"LuZETTE, ffffY ERE LANGUAGE LIKE THAT, in MY LESSON agen, u can get aaaaat, naaaaaa!!!"
(lysette promptly gets off andy and walks out throwing a casual "OK!" over her shoulder)
sum1s gotta throw in the towel, surely?

Kris: luzETTE, don't distract them, u make them chat
Loz: oh but kris, they do that 2 a pretty good standard without my help!
4 gods sake, u 2, PACK IT IN!!

"ellAAAAY!!! luzzzETTE!!!! get in ere, NAAAAAAA!!!!"
oh so atleast its not just me this tyme gettin the end of my name enhanced.

Kris V Loz (agen)
Kris: luzzETTE, your language is appauling if you don't mind me saying!
Loz: so's your teaching...
Kris: OYYYY! won't be avin none of that!
Loz: oh aye?
rite, i'm gonna bang u 2s heads 2gether in a minuit!

"outoutoutoutoutoutout!!"
i take it we've outstayed our welcome in the office then, kris?

"ellAAAAY/ luzzETTE/ soPHAAAY/ naiOMAAAAY/ jimmAH, get aaata that office, NAAAAAA!!!!!"
same old, same old.

"well u cant call me obnoxious anymore! (to dad)"
denise: "lysette, you ARE obnoxious"
i'll take that as a complement, could have been worse- she could have said i was nice!

"kick the pickins, make them CRY! and they LUV IT"
Loz wanted a chickin in batter- or make that a battered chicken... or a battery hen?

Cael: "call most haunted- there woz a moaning noise in the backround of our vid in college!"
Loz: "why do ghosts always moan, y can't they just laugh like the rest of us?"
Cael: "i know, y do ghosts moan? its not like their dyin or anythin!"
competition 4 the best wittisism woz stiff.

"IIII'M at the recieving end OF THE ABUSE"
well that makes a change, loz

Loz:"Hannah!... hannah!...HANNAH!!!!"
(Liv turns round)"my names Livvy..."
Loz:"ok hannah."
Loz? ignorant? don't be so absurd!

"its no good BURBLING n BUZZING, alfreido!"
only MY dog could burble n buzz!

Nathaniel: "my hairs brown. his is black. her hairs yellow"
Loz: "its BLONDE!!!"
alright, little miss pedantic! god i was obnoxious as a 4yo!

"u know me n kris have an ongoing battle? has any1 else noticed that it spreads onto the 'famous quotes' page on justmyopinion? most of the quotes are me and her- she's tryin 2 be funnier than me n she like, aint!"
nd ur both so modest!

"jesus christ, does it have gold lining on it or something?!"
Maria's not impressed with pukkas £150 body protector by the looks of it!

"AAAHHHH!!!! we ad the same idea!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!"
elle n loz telepathy inscident 1.

"would u LIIIIIKE?!!!!! hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!"
Elle n loz telpathy incident 2!

"he looks like a BAT! hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!"
elle, loz, yea, if ur gonna be creepily in sync with eachother could you please have normal convasations that people can understand?

"i would even go as far as saying you would have been a child genius!"
Denise, would u mind repeating that infront of my teachers over the years who have said 'shez just average' please?

"he only has one bolluck!" (parents turn and glare)
ellies been listning in biology!

"i could keep u afterschool 4 extra geography but ur LAY-zeeee, leezairt, ur LAY-zeee!"
no miss major, its just that xtra lessons would send me into a severe narcoleptic state of which i would never recover!

"and wot is ur favourite animal, lysette?"
"tyrannasaurus rex but i like triceretops aswel"
if only mastermind had been around when i were a babba, ey?

"im not slicing my fadge in half!"
(loz neatly pops over the stable door) "loz will!"
well, every 'it' girl is required to clear a 4ft stable door arn't they? arnt they?....ok

"she needs a medal the size of a dustbin lid 4 not catchin the clap, and is a very deluded, disilliusioned, backstabbin, slaggy, slutty, clinicly obese, twitchy faced individual!"
theres only room 4 ONE liz, round ere n it aint that slag n er son of a bitch horse... il stop there, il go off on one otherwise

"TURN THAT TELLY OFF!!!!"
elle, so that WOZNT the funniest video eva pmsl!!!

"wheres alex?"
"the caribbean i think"
"snot far enuff, she should go 2 abu dhabi!"
put her down loz!

"luv, i'm not poncing round with smarties!"
like father like daughter, i guess!

"awww ur so sweet n happy n funny n wikid n huggable!"
yes, this woz about me, and no, theres not a single note of sarcasm believ it or not- otherwise id be out of a job, coz that really is a corker!

"ur a clever girl, but u really do need to curb the sarcasm if that makes sense?"
pocknell, ur a killjoy!

"ur bitchy, obnoxious, u treat people like shit, u cant seem to utter 1 compliment and yet people come back 4 more- i don't understand it!"
dad, trust me, neither do i

"(sweeps in2 massive bear hug) awww beck, i really do luv u!"
"awww ur wikid loz! i luv u aswel!"
see, i do say it 2 my friends!

"...and i'm not gonna fall about n GURN like Derek Acorah"
thats beFOR u have that extra glass of wine, mum!

"lysette, i can see right through u!!"
either denise is phsycic or i'm losing my touch!

"i can't believ they call u loz"
" can't believ wot they called her anyway!"
YEYYYY!!!! sum1 else hu duznt like my name- as of now maria n lysette bbfl!!

"so wots 4 lunch, im starvin, i feel like a muslim"
Anthonys a deprived, erm... child, bless his 3 pairs of lycra based socks.

"who ever puts that jacket on him, its TOO TIGHT"
4 sum reason i find this absolutly huckin filarious!

"well i DONT think il be having that ethiopian i asked for. i wanted 2 keep it in my cuboard and let it out when i need a cup of tea or sumthin but its not aloud coz of fuckin human rites! never mind, perhaps il just change my name 2 madonna. or il try my luck with malawi, i hear their more flexible."
Lysette, u should be a spokesperson 4 CAFOD!

"why wud u want an ethiopian..."
Nai, talk sense- its cheaper than a dyson AND ur doin ur bit 4 fair trade! wots not 2 luv?

"god, ow many pairs of jods av u got on 2day loz?"
thank u Kyra! see i woz gettin a bit wide round the girth!

"aaaahhh!!! lih-ull leh-ahs!!!"
little letters 4 those of u not speakin in a welsh accent! as el sed- 'hehehehe! ow old r u loz?!'

"why?! why?! WHY IS IT ALWAYS MEEEEEE???!!! (sobz)"
lil elli took our 'joke' (locking her in the viewing galery with th assistance of half a dozen props n strategically placed p-lastic chairs) very lightly

"SARAH! dont u get the feeling weev been PLAAAAYYYYYED!!(so cmon DOWN!)"
Kristas audition 4 the bruce forsythe role in 'the price is right' was going swimmingly

"wot'd u marry 'im 4?! eez got a MASSIV ED!!"
els parents' marriage woz doomed from the word Tony (els gramp)

"ur legs look like the severn bridge, el!"
"they are"
"wot, u gotta pay 2 get thru em?"
el...its loz ur talkin 2- BE CAREFUL!!

"Natalie is Chris the instructors girlfriend?! i suppose he gives her xtra 'riding' lesins then!"
lysette, scarily on form yet agen

"I didnt trust myself 2 send Kris an Xmas card this year... itd have containd anthrax or sumthin"
yes lysette, we all know ur pretty fast far as wit goes- NOW STOP HOGGIN TH QUOTES PAGE!!

"Jennys better!"
"wot, better than this? (throws water which hits its target- laceys face)
Lozs impression of grace from big brother went down a storm- or rather down glascoed!

"i find her vacuous...socially inept... i dont like people lyk that, loitering around downstairs...ger er up yer now!"
u put ur cat claws in, ur cat claws out! in, out, in, out n then u start 2 shout! loz luvz elly. the vacuous socially inept 1, not elle.

"bleach? on ur HAY? dont be so stupid- if it woz me, itd have been arson"
loz makes friends at her new yard. sayin that, my stable/horse hasnt been touched since, so im assuming it worked.

"he wants u 2 play with his baubles!"
oh a night with sexy santa n the severn bridge, ey elle?!

"who would think of this? we find a santa-'oh! its a paedophile!' makes perfect sense!"
see th world thru loz n elles eyes... take ecstasy.

"don't be so STUPID!! its paul! the pillow!"
and next in the elle rogers interior design range...!

"why just sit there n randomly go MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, start singin oh come all ye faithful then not take a blind bit of notice of it?! i only just realised how wierd we are!"
christ elle, took u long enuff!

"do YOU admit 2 the charges of child molESTING, paedoPHELIA, in shropshire, this evening?"
elle, talking at erm, a plastic santa that sings jingle bells (see our newest make)!

"thats daaaaaanroit DINEjerus!"
Krista on th proffessional ridin establishment

"Kris has offered jenny 2 me loads of times!"
"no lacey, YOU offered u Jenny loads of times"
thats wot i like about becca- she's honest!

"i cant believe i had sex when i woz 11!"
becca, would u mind picking my jaw up off th floor 4 me? thank u darlin

"ur not a shrimp holly, its just ELLIE is very TORL!"
no anne- hollys just a shrimp. albeit a jumbo sized 1.

"ur a princess!"
"...you're a pear!"
elles comeback had a fruitless rebound from her much loved sister holly

"I'm a thick blonde, me- so thick, i need a str8 jacket 2 control it!"
4 once...il agree with me on that 1!

"she looks like Moby Dick"
Loz has a whale of a tyme with Charlotte by the sounds of it

"their expensive in egypt"
"Iceland is supposed 2 be really bad aswell- £6.50 4 a can of beer!"
"really? it says in their adverts that its really cheap tho!"
altogether now- SHUT UP LUKA!!!

"you dads egyptian, ur mums irish, so that makes u...Iryptian?"
Loz, u were lucky a geographer woznt round then. or some with a dirty mind.

"don't chase him round, he's got alzeheimers!"
is this u, or casper now parsons?

"i'd rather castrate yself with a broken spoon!"
so don't let Cael anywhere near the kitchen unsupervised

"it needed resucitating so it had a spell in the airing cuboard of eternal life"
the resurrection of Lozs deceased long suffering fone

"I'm never seeing that flim again- especially with those 3, the tweenies!"
sum woman on the muskiteers- correct me if i'm wrong, but arn't there 4 tweenies?

"(sings)it started with a cyst..."
well, personally id rather a kiss but there we go, each to his own

"ya canister ya canis!"
i can think of better things to do in my free time dave

"they're just like those coloured polo's!.... sorry to any pro-PCs i offended there by being racist and saying 'coloured'"
political correctness has gone crazy in loz's opinion- even polo's have a coloured alter ego.

"youll be livin in a TINT! a TINT! youll be livin in a TINT... without a groundsheet!"
Ray had confidence in marcs living arrangements in his new job

"stacey oo? oh stacey who got caught int' sack wi' richard"
Malcs got a real way with words

"who wrote courlis pontet as courlis ponTINT?"
i dunno ray, i dont think they MINT it

"ah walked in toot daw at asda!"
if it woz any1 but laura i'd be dumbstruck

"fuck anne frank, its all about lysette now, innit!"
it always has been, gareth!

"your hat cover reminds me of a condom"
rays always really generous with his complements

"you lazy pack o' buggers"
a pack?! wot the fuck! rays newzealandish stuff agen

"you cheeky bAAAAAAHstuds!"
ray proves why newzealand is known 4 its sheep

"i'm not standing around- i'm loitering with intent to help some1!!!"
oooo TOLD by the milf, marc!

"i don't give a flyin... FIG wot u lot think!!"
wrong thing 2 say when ur tryin 2 calm a class of gigglesome kids, heather

"my siatic nerves fuckin killin me, and then when i woz avin lunch erlia, my drink went str8 down my osophagus!"
no, not an episode of casualty- a conversation with sam

"wot are you doinG? are u, ADMIRING the BEAUTY, of the LUXURIOUS leather of the saddle?"
course not dave, i'm watchin that they don't suddly jump up n scarper!

"i feel like an ironing board"
not sure if they're serving those tnight, sam

"alls you could hear wuz lysette CACKLING as she FLED"
a bed time story with a difference from steph!

"i've never been in a place with so many wierdo's!"
amy L, you MIGHT wanna try downside...

"your WOT? youll be shaving your LETTUCE?!"
"yes, and i'll be shaving MY lettuce next door!"
amy M, Lisa, please lettuce in on the joke

"aam the best raaader, aaam on lorenzinooor"
not sure if seve would agree wiv that, trauma

"if i can hold nick ross than i can definatly hold stay bright can't i?"
yeah vicky- coz ur good u r

"they got sum well dodgy names here avnt they?"
"what, like vicky?"
i dunno wot ur on about, lysette!

"anda my umberilla, illa, illa, ih ih!"
oh baby its ray-ning, ray-ning!

".....it ent MOVIN"
malc tip #51 on how 2 make some1 feel like a dick head

"i'm more camp than a pink row of tents"
TINTS toby, speak proper english!

"now if i started ballet, thatd be the last straw 4 my dad!"
meet toby elliot!

"theres nowt wrong wit me ridin now, its jus me 'ands, there not straight but other than that me ridins perfect!"
laura quote of the century

"laura, the next hayley turner, will NOT be coming back"
daves disappointed- she had so much potential!!

"thats the first time ive seen you let a pussy get away, dave!"
ray don't be mean he's losing his touch

"youv either got a hangover or your botox is starting to wear out!"
emma unveils the secret to daves eternal youth

"this is your captain speaking, we're going 2 be going over the CENTER of the track round twice, and your exits are the front, the back or the sides so make sure you don't get turbulance. have a good flight!"
emma if your the captain shouldnt YOU be stopping us getting any turbulance?!

"SCREW!"
lysettes delicatly put answer to jo's pondering of what her part in her and frasers relationship was.

"i love you lizzy. couldnt live with you, but i love you!"
lysette? teachers pet? nooo dont be silly

"she sed 'ya avin a paaatih'"
lauras account of how carol reacted on finding laura running around campus in just her underwear

"i was so legless id av qualified 4 the paralympics!"
thats why lysette loves those charitys that raise money 4 the thalidomide scandal- supporting others who are legless

"You must be loaded- youve got an escalator in your house!"
white wine did this to me? magic mushrooms more like!

"(mumbling)... REDICULOUS O' CLOCK!!!"
Lyndsey loves getting phoncalls at 5.30am

"why is your caravan like blackpool illuminations?"
Lyndsey, at 1.37am i can't be dealing with wittisism like that- next time just ask me to turn the light off

"well it woznt her, she passed out by there!"
the aftermath of a little swarray at danethorpe

"as princess di said- there are 3 of us in this caravan"
lysettes opinion on frasers frequent overnight stays

"oop! ay oop, its off!"
clariss and galazy making a hasty exit of the indoor school

"cunts cunts CUNTS n more fuckin CUNTS!!!!"
another legendary date with a glass of white wine

"bastuuuuuuuuuuds!"
battle cry of amy whilst, um, getting a horse off the walker

"its not things going bump in the night am worried about- tis the things going HUMP which im more xconcerned about"
another one of lysettes views on new ldger, fraser

"i mean, imagine if i'd had that attitude- i love sex, sex is great!"
don't hold back aquamax, go ahead and give me nightmares for the next 7 years!

"maybe she's pregnant... i'm sure the baby will come out with grey hair and a big bum though"
the impending marriage of derek and lyndsey was a mystery to fraser

"good effort!"
jo congratulates lysette in passing her NVQ level 1 in alcaholism

"and as for YOU! well. you watch where you put your pumpkins!"
lizzy tells fraser exactly what she thinks of him

"rockets like the evil nemesis of aquamax!"
a conversation about a JRT- jurassic russell terrier that left the bedding storage looking like the center of beirut

"you cant wear THAT! thats obSENE!!!"
lizzy and jo should presebnt what not to wear!

"fraser woz stayin in jo's room last night- obviously the cooker wasnt the only thing randomly getting turned on!"
what, the lights came on aswell, lizzy?

"a rather suspicious looking box containing some ominous looking tiddlywinks. what if its anthrax?"
bet lyndsey had a right titter at the old bill about lizzy crime report

"theres 2 much puggage in here!!"
sam gets claustrophobia all of a sudden

"awww he's as bent as mardi graa!"
my mogs tail- its bent int middle lol!

Piczo